Self Perception <--> Self-Reality

It's been a while since I posted something up. Many many things have happened within the last 2 weeks which are very hard to characterize, understand, and discuss. Not to say that I haven't been thinking and jonesing to put something down on paper to represent my thoughts.

The issue of self-perception isn't an issue unless you question your "self". Perhaps you see that as a simple statement but how often do you find yourself questioning your day to day thoughts, actions, and feelings? Very rarely do we get a chance to take a different perspective than our usual while still being in our current vessels. Many of us step out our vessel and obtain that different perspective through drugs; as drugs provide us with an altered state of mind and thus an altered perspective.

Breaking from standard conversational essay format, I'd like to give you a word of advice. Understand that if you begin to use a drug and begin to like it (and do it chronically) because of the perspective it provides, you must be able to take away the special set of lenses it gives you and not use it as a crutch. That is, learn how to apply the altered perspective without the drug being present in your system. If you're able to do this the drug will never ru(i)n your life as at any point in time you will be able to give it up (because its benefits will be in you always). The struggles with addiction are another topic I will eventually cover.

Moving on.

Some of us have other methods of the altered perspective: immersing yourself in the world of a book, religious and non-religious meditation, and empathetically reading the news are some to name. As far as I've come in life, I've determined one thing...one cannot say one method is any more valid than the next; what is important is greatest reproducibility with the least amount of harm.

The way we perceive ourselves is a complex thing, and even more complex is the way we construct our reality.

For a long while, the way I saw myself was through the way other people saw me. The times I felt most complete and most valid was when I was in focus, when I was in praise. The times I felt the worst was when I felt like my image/likelihood dropped out of people's minds. I suppose this could be a manifestation of the "Hero Child" complex. Needless to say, this is a dangerous way of thought as if the world is gone and you are left all alone you have essentially made yourself "worthless".

For a long while I've also noticed that this is the way a good portion of people live.

-The Owl: Always looking over their shoulders to see if anyone is looking (and judging) at them.

-The Actor: Taking on a personality type that is thought to impress. These include the meat-head, the fool (the ditz), the jester (whose comedy is at the expense of themselves), the loud-obnoxious-coarse one, the focal druggie, etc.

-The Prophylactic: The person who has prepared responses and phrases for the situations they perceive will come. Sarah Palin.

This is a very up and down lifestyle that lacks stability; and I assure you that if you aren't there yet, one day you will seek to trade the "excitement" of instability for the peace of stability.

There is a simple solution, the way you perceive yourself should not at all be based on how people perceive you. The way people perceive you is based on your actions, and your actions should be your own. Seek not the approval of others before you say something, think something, or do something; simply do. By allowing the influence of others to affect how you see yourself, you are effectively measuring your worth. And if there is one thing my battle with cancer taught me was that you as a human are worth more than worth can be characterized. You are infinitely important to the world and there is so much you can do for it (especially with good health); so don't waste your time buried in creating the "perfect" image. Learn to stand on your own two feet with what you have, make targets for what you want to change, create a plan for change, and then enact the plan. If you lock this down, the way you perceive yourself will never be affected unduly by the world around you.

As I mentioned, the issue of your reality is a lot more complex than any other and it is something I've only recently grasped, and most importantly, come to terms with. The way you perceive your reality is a combination of two things, explained by this equation:

Reality = the way It Is + the way You Want it to Be.

-With the way it is being fixed (or essentially out of your control).

-And the way you want it to be, which is obviously variable.

This is why everyone's reality differs, because each individual contributes to how they want it to be. So that's the aspect I want to go into

It's ok to have goals of how you want your future to look, how you want your reality to be. But it's not okay to allow your self-perception to be affected by the way you want it to be.

Read that last part again because it's an important point to understand.

That is to say, you begin to get into dangerous territory when you start to let the way you see your perception of reality be influenced by who you want to be (especially when it comes to our relationships with each other. Instead make who you want to be your reality.

Why this becomes problematic is because often we find ourselves living in a false reality where we firmly label things beyond what they actually are.

To make this easier to understand I will provide you with two examples.

Imagine there is a girl in your life who you meet and you become infatuated with. You label her as your partner-to-be, your reason to change, votre raison d'etre. You begin to pursue her and she resists but you continue to persist because in your mind you perceive her to be your savior, the one who will make you feel complete.

Or

You believe that once you get "that job" you'll have everything you want. You'll have all the money you want and thus you'll have the life you want. Then with that job you want you'll get that girl you want, and she'll be...well...refer to above.

~

Essentially the lesson is that you should not live your life in someone else's image, under someone else's values, or someone else's choices. If you don't you might wake up one day and realize that everything you've done isn't actually you.

Make the necessary changes and take the steps required for you to live your life the way you want. Be the person who YOU want to be and actuate the values that YOU care for.

...do not be afraid to be you...